Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Day Six: Bell Bottoms are Back!

Day Six:

I'm finally sitting down at 1:16 AM, 2 hours after I came home from driving Uber.  Solely with the intent of writing this blog and going to bed earlier than I have been.  Guess that didn't happen.  Instead Fritz and I got into a battle of who's house is it, the tug of war and chase the cow games didn't last long enough and someone was rather upset about not getting their way.  After placing the puppy in the pen, mind you he's about 20lbs I'd guess at the moment.  Maybe less, but he certainly feels heavier than the 14 lb bag of dog food sitting in my closet freshly bought.  He puts up a fight and it feels like I'm muscling a 45 lb plate off the ground.  Needless to say, he looked me dead in the eye and without a hind of remorse starts pissing, he knows I can't get to him through the gate so it makes no difference if I scream or just give him the dead eye.  The dead eye accompanied with the Dad Voice, has become a favorable dou that seams to set the tone for the moment.  Not even that stops Fritz from just pissing while staring me dead in the eye.  Cocky little fucker!

Tonight I figured we'd take a long walk until he got cold and he remembered how nice his little bed is  and that would be a suitable punishment for pissing in it.  I figured it was a nice enough night to throw on two pairs of socks, insulated boots, two layers under the hoody, and my Michael Kors pea coat.  I should start hitting up major brands to have them give me clothes to wear during the day while I Uber.  Or at the very least I should go shopping and write it off as a business expense.  (note to self)

Off we set, he pissed first thing out the door.  I gave him a pat on the head and thatta boy, but no treat.  He knew I had them, I made sure he saw me put them in my back pocket.  He wanted them, I knew he knew that I knew he knew it and wanted to make sure the message was loud and clear.  We also got the trash ready and put a new bag in the can before heading out, all on his leash by my side wanting those damn treats in my back pocket.  Down the stairs has gotten to be a majestic site, you can start to see flash of the young dog he'll become and boy is he beautiful.  Fritz might become an instagram model someday!  A 20 minute walk in the snow and he was still wanting to play, but he was worn out enough that his bed was a welcomed sight.

Bell bottoms have made a comeback I fear.  There was a pair of 20 somethings heading to Puerto Vallarta next week for spring break, they were planning to wear white pants before labor day and uttered bell bottoms in the same breath as skinny jeans.  Good lord save us all, the 70's have descended upon us and there shall be no reprieve from the disco fever!  I see a Johnny Disco meme in the near future!

Day Five: Stunt Driver

Day Five:

What's that movie with Jackie Chan and the ugly Wilson dude with the fucked up nose?  Shanghai Noon, is what I said to the Sophomore woman sitting in the backseat of my Black Mercedes-Benz with the slightly blue tinted windows.  It was probably 10:00 PM at night, we can call my passenger Peru, here name however as remember-able as it was, seems to have slipped my mind.

We had gotten about an inch of snow over the course of Monday afternoon maybe more as the night wore on and the flakes kept spitting to the ground.  I was being very daring you see, I had to put the summer tires back on the Merc.  I ended up bending a rim (so we think) that created a rather violent vibration.

As the drive started out, I offered the usual.  Bottle water, no, bubble gum, no, Tic Tac? was answered with a very excited yes.  Peru informs me that she's only been in the states for 2 years, but she speaks English very well.  I didn't even think to ask her where she had learned such perfect English.  My mind was on the frosty looking roads straight out of every movie you've ever seen Wisconsin in.  (I can't think of one, but someone will and it'll be Rad.)  I was being very conscientious of my passengers sense of safety and was driving extremely well mannered.  Despite my desire to hang the rear end out around every corner becoming unbearable.

Luckily I didn't have to wait long before the ever unpredictable Merc decided to step out of line.  A flick the steering wheel with my wrist and she straightened right up and out.  Peru's reaction time was much quicker than mine as she let out a hell of a screech!  In a sobering moment, I thought for sure she was going to be pissed, the Merc just doesn't slip sideways.  It has a short wheelbase which makes any lose of traction feel like a monumental slide.  To my astonishment, she says "That was really Cool!"  I of course down played off flash of brilliant driving by stating my abilities are far better than that.  (I wasn't trying to be arrogant, just honest.)  I can drift my Benz at will and with the summer tires on and I can steer with the throttle with relative ease.  She thinks that's the most amazing thing and likens me to someone in Tokyo Drift, likely not Dom.  *sigh*  I tell her that I'll showboat a bit, to which I had to explain the word showboat.  Many conversations where had as they darted from subject to subject as I turned block to block.  From what I did and Fritz to where she was from and how it came that she landed in Madison, WI.

The next right hand turn was her road, a pickup truck lined one lane drive, meaning it was a very narrow passage, her house was the 4th one down.  (Think Jason Statham movies with the black Audi when you read this.)

I turned the Merc in and blipped the throttle to induce the skid.  The nose of the Merc hits the Apex perfect as the rear end skid starts reaching its furthest point out.  I can feel traction meaning the car is going to straighten but I have the car perfectly centered in the lane.  I stand on the throttle and let the steering wheel slide in my hand a bit in an ever so graceful dance. Peru is screaming bloody murder in the back seat, but I glanced up to catch a huge grin as if she was riding an amusement ride.  As quickly as the skid started, punch the breaks and start counter steering as I drift Peru into her driveway stopping only feet from the Silver Jetta parked under the overhang.  I haven't made a woman scream in joy that loudly in years it would seem.  She thanked me for my A+ driving , I wonder if I'll get a needs improvement from Uber.  It happened about as fast as you were reading this paragraph, but to me it felt like an eternity.  I feel like when I'm behind the wheel of a car, I can slow down time.  Or I'm really really good, but I'm pretty sure I'm slowing down time.

Peru was from Shanghai China, and was in awe of the difference and similarities.  She gave all of Madison great compliments.  I was proud of my city.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Day Four: Murphy's Law

Day Four:

What's that old saying?  If it could go wrong it would go wrong or something to that affect?

I dropped Arianna off in front of the YMCA, it's always such a mentally draining thing as I drive away from the Y.  Being strong and not showing the pain that comes with watching her step dad make her turn around and give the blue balloon the neighbor boy had given her as we rushed out the door to head to the Y just moments before.  The look on her face of complete seriousness that the balloon must receive extra care and attention that Fritz doesn't pop it and the fact that things like that have become second nature to her is a heavy burden to bear.  My heart aches for that little girl, she's missed out on so much of a life that could have been.  A life where taking a balloon home would be ok.

With that being the start to my work night, I took the car seat out of the back and stuffed it into the trunk.  Ran through the car wash, stuck some bottles of water in the backseat pocket, I really should start putting the backseat arm rest down and using the built in cup holders, grabbed a Mt. Dew and a beef stick.  Which I always exclaim to the attendant that my Dad used to tell me it was the breakfast of the Gods.  That's not really true, that just what he used to feed us growing up.  That and potato wedges, mmmmmmmmmmmmhhhh,  Those potato wedges where sooooo good.  I need a deep fryer!  But it's a great way to get someone smiling without doing much else.  I digress, my thought was there was no way I would get someone from the airport with luggage at 5:15PM and sure as shit wouldn't you know it.  So here I am, picking up Colin, and he wants to put his luggage in the trunk.  Luckily there's enough room to spare that it fits, but first thing out of his mouth was 'looks like your trunks full.' which translate directly to 'kiss your 5 stars goodbye!'  Well shit.

Luckily it rebounded and the 30 minute drive was pleasant enough.  He ended up being a triatholon judge or head run pointer or something like that.  And was just getting back from Florida, where he spent most of the days indoors according to him.  I guess it just goes to show that in life, even the simplest opportunity can go unrealized until its to late,  Luckily for Colin, he was going to be traveling again soon and would be heading South before the end of the month.  Hopefully he realizes where he went wrong the last time and gets outside to enjoy the weather.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Day Three: Acts of Kindness

Day Three:

It's taken a bit for me to get to the computer and write this entry.  I ended up only working till 10:30 pm after hitting my goal earlier than anticipated.  I ended up back home, taking Fritz out for a bit.  He still can't handle being out in the cold weather, I suppose a month isn't enough time to truly assimilate to Wisconsin life.  The reason why it's taken me so long to start this entry is two fold, one: it's rather difficult thinking about which event to write about in the night or should I just write one to highlight the evening.  Two: I got to pick my little munchkin up at 10:00 AM this morning.  She is my pride and joy, my life and blood, everything I've always wanted in a little girl.  Wicked smart, a little sassy, razor sharp wit and the ability to use it on a whim.  She's a lot to keep up with, it's easier having Fritz and her together than it is separately.  There's this amazing desire for them to want to be around each other and it's been amazing to watch that bond develop.  After a week or so, Fritz will be more than powerful enough to drag Arianna down the hallway.  It's fun to watch them interact and watch how protective of each other they've become.  I fear for the poor sole who thinks he/she'll do harm in Fritz' presence.

On a lighter note, I had a trio of riders that had seen a play at a local high school here in the city.  The Whimsical Whooper, or something like that.  The worn out shocks in my car, plus the newly added country music channel to slot #6 106.3FM here in Madison, WI by recommendation of the fare made it a little difficult to understand all that was said.  Some things just had to be let go, after asking several times and not getting it, the conversation turned to another gentleman at the house and then on to the bowling event that took place today (Saturday) that "Barb" was driving the duo too.  The couple were accompanied by their chaperon,  Jill.  A very pretty woman with blonde hair and garnet colored lips.  I heard of my front seat passengers cat named Cooper.  I exclaimed that is a fantastic cats name, to which everyone in the car was in absolute agreeance with, even my front seat passenger herself.  The gentleman in the backseat seamed to be taking in all the comfort the backseat would allow, I don't blame him.  It's a very comfortable car to be a passenger in, so I'm told.  The conversation switched pace faster than the trip-tonic 7 speed transmission could switch gears.  Moments of an awkward silence, followed by uproarious belly laughter that came on like a bolt of lightning.  It was such a comfortable atmosphere, I'd a liken it to sitting on a porch in early August watching a cold front pass over, I can't blame them for wanting to sit just a second longer.  Truth be told, I enjoyed the awkward second at the end of the ride before they noticed it was time to part company.  A new friend was made and lost all in the blink of an eye.  I have a deep admiration for Jill, I can only assume she has a love for other people that is unmatched.  I hope her evening was as pleasant as the rest of my night was as I thought about how to write them into this blog.  I hope they have a fond memory even if ever so brief.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Day Two:

I only Ubered for a couple hours tonight.  I had a friend holler at me.  (I think that's what the kids say these days.)  I had a couple errands to run so we ran around in the Merc.  He reminisced about an old car he had that was similar in the luxurious categories.  You know, peacock wood trimmed lether interior with crushed and nylon velvet sound deadner.  Its magnificently quite inside, and the 7.1 Harmon Karmon surround sound plays to the tunes that sooth the sole.  If quite isn't what your looking for!  :)  Some of my musically talented friends say it needs a bit more power, but their just audiophile with an over-tuned ear! :)

I had a couple college students in aw of what I've accomplished with only a high school diploma.  Rachel once said I wouldn't ever look good on paper without a college degree.  I accepted that challenge a long time ago.  This might not be paper, but it's about as close as we can get these days.  To hell if you could actually read my hand writing!  I'm routinely told I look 29, I've had a couple overzealous teenagers say 24, but it's dark.  I'll give them going with the benefit of the doubt.  LOL  I can't wait to warmer weather.  I might cheat and work hard to earn enough to visit a friend in LA.  Fritz would love a week with all the attention from a puppy spa!  Who could take a month straight of just me!!!!   Good lord, poor guy!  LOL

I graduated 33 in my class.  Granted I think there was only 40ish.  Still, 33rd.  How many of you can honestly say that?  :)

I currently am on leave of absence from a job where I managed a deck worth something like $1.3 Million.  I love the industry, the only problem I run into now is that as Uber driver, credibility doesn't really go that far.  It could be my cracked windshield, I'll have to get back to you that after I get that fixed.  (Note to Self, Get Window Fixed.  LOL)  It takes money to make money, as they say.

But if you don't know, or haven't stalked my pictures in a couple years. I drive a 2007 Mercedes Benz C230 sport.  (I'm pretty sure they're all sports, I haven't seen a regular C230 ever.)  To car guys, that shits a big deal.  It has a wicked set of Brembo brakes at each corner.  4 piston calibers, organic brakes (how it's organic is beyond me, or I could have that confused.)  Who cares...  (someone).   13.5 inch cross drilled and slotted rotors, means I can make you kiss a hundred dollar bill off my windshield braking from 60.  I'd bet you that same $100 bill you couldn't get it off the Galaxie's windshield 0-45.  :)  Obsidian Black is the Merc's official color, but under street lamps or flashlights it's the pretty dark blue you've ever laid your eyes on.  Pearl Navy Blue is what I'd call it, maybe Electric because it sparkles.  It's lower than a normal Mercedes, has low profile tires that are super sporty.  (I'm putting a set of 18's on for the summer as soon as the current tires wear out.  SOON!!!!)  So, it's a sporty little 4 door.  I have to admit, it is fun to drive and I drive it Fun!

It really pales in comparison to the Galaxie.  Ziggy aka Big Bad is a bright red (not original color) 1968 Ford Galaxie 500.  I'll have new shocks in the front (purchased, not ready for installation) and rear (already on) with KYB gas adjust shocks (already on) and some other odds and ends.  Ryan painstakingly made sure the wiring was factory correct and ran in the correct areas.  The only thing left to do is repair the gas gauge, a simple fix but getting Ryan's time is like gold and we're currently rebuilding the C-6 to have a manual valve body, shift kit, and B&M Shifter (I heard the word trans brake being thrown around as well.).  And that's not to mention the custom 3 inch exhaust that exits right in front of the tires.  I refer to them as asshole pipes, because it's rather loud.  (I literally had a little old lady mouth to me to 'get that fucking car away from me.'  Granted, I was loading up mufflers and then backing down from high RPM in first gear to throw flames.)  But yeah, I can be slightly obnoxious at times, for this, I'm truly sorry your feelings got hurt.  (Suck it up, sometimes life is loud.)

I've sold to the CFO of MLB Teams as well as other companies who's revenue was getting deep into the 9 digits.  I've learned by asking CEO's and CFO's over the course of 3 years how they do their jobs, sometimes and often point blank.  And then explaining to them why they needed the services my company provided within the Corporate Legal Services Industry.  I've sold deals worth $70,000 for 3 years almost yearly, as well as retaining a high 90% customer base with the companies own same years retention rate rising from 83% to 86%.

I would bore you to death trying to explain what I do, much like I'm getting bored of being this braggadocios.  I'm sure your bored, or maybe your not and I'm just paranoid.  :)

I need to invest in a house, or a livable space as some people might call it.  I have an idea.  It requires 5 people though.  And with that, I bid you adieu.  :)

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

That's Marty

During a time that seemed like decades ago, and it probably was.  On a Thursday night, kickball league was the place to be.  The Bad in Plaid team was a kickball team with one mission.  Have as much drunken fun as humanly possible without going to jail.

Luckily, only one kickballer ended up in the clink over the years.  Names will be held (as long as the bribe money keeps flowing in) to protect the not so innocent.

Needless to say, in my late 20's, my life was chaotic and at times unbelievable.  A fellow teammate suggested that we write down my escapades and create a sitcom, That's Marty.  Truth be told, I thought I would come off as a narcissist had I pursued the idea.  I guess it's egotistical to think it would have gone anywhere anyhow, I guess nothings really changed.  With that said, it turned into nothing more than a fleeting thought.  The idea or at least the title has lingered in my mind ever since, I used it for my gmail account as well as my Instagram.  I think the time has come I use it for a blog, which I fully intend to turn into a full fledged vlog.

So what's happening in the life of Marty Hendricks you ask, or maybe you didn't but deep down I'm sure you were thinking it.  I'm currently on an unpaid leave of absence from my job selling Corporate Legal Services and driving Uber.  I'd like to tell you about the latest rider that stands out.

It was a Saturday night around midnight when I picked up a passenger and his date.  The gentleman got in the front seat of the Merc while his date sat in the back.  He was taller, probably a good 6'4" with a professional haircut and glasses.  Probably in his late 40's early 50's, wearing jeans with a flannel shirt and vest from LL Bean if I were to guess.  I didn't get a good look at his date, but she seemed pretty.  From what I could glean, they had just met earlier that night and he was from out of town.  When I went to start the trip it said we were heading to some town in North Carolina.  The guy was so blitz he wasn't even able to put the correct address in the app.  Luckily enough, the Uber app can use the GPS to figure out the charges of the ride, so I wasn't terribly worried.  After getting the address from the guy, I realized their destination was only a couple blocks away.  I didn't really care if it was a free ride or not, I just wanted to get the super drunk dude out of my car.

As we started off, the guy sticks his head between the seats backwards like to try and kiss his dates hand.  Now mind you, after pleasantries, his date in the backseat was noticeably quit.  When "she" did talk, it seemed that the higher pitch was forced.  To pull back the curtain so to speak, when it came to the passenger in the back seat, Steven Tyler said it best.  Dude looked like a lady!  It got so ridiculous that at one point I literally said to him that I needed him to sit upright and that there was no Hanky Panky in my car.  The ride only lasted a minute, but it was one of the longest minutes I've endured.

I'm curious to know if he knew his date was packing heat or not, but I'm glad I wasn't there to find out!  Could you imagine if they were both in the back seat!  Talk about crazy...

Until next time.